it may have been mentioned before, but i made a new years resolution for the year of 2025.
my new year's resolution was "to get a job". something that'd employ me, that'd pay me, that would be something that i could more than just "identify with", but would be something that i could put on my CV.
i haven't really been that successful in getting a job this entire year. and as this year nears its ever impending conclusion, i keep wondering to myself if i'll ever "get it", get a job, get life, get something worthy of being paid for.
because, in our society, in our lives, aren't there only two things guaranteed? our deaths, and our contribution to the society around us?
sure. i think that's true, but i still can't help but wonder if i'll ever get a job. be "employed", put to work in the society around us. are we not humans that try our hardest to live, contribute, and bring something better to the world, no matter where we are, what we are doing, and what our goals are? death impends on our births, yet the time we have conscious never gets any longer. only through our conscious time can we both live and contribute, and then after that, well
you're done. your life is complete, birthed back into the void.
obviously. right?
though i tend to start these essays with a problem that eventually gets solved in the end, or some sort of dilemma that arises from a contradiction in societal views and my own, i actually have an answer already to this problem.
i take out student loans, basically payment from the government, to be an art student. my job, literally, and fully, is being an art student. i am getting paid to do this right now. to be... a learning adult. an adult paid to act and be a child.
not a child in the sense that i spend my money frivolously and make bad decisions (though, on top of that being par for the course of college students, and something i've done and do myself, oops), but a child in the sense that i am exploring a sector of the world, learning about it, and gaining experience to see what this world is really like, and how i can contribute to it.
obviously, i think it's kind of strange how we ask children (yes, i do still consider people who are 18-20 children, sorry to myself and others) to find a sector within the world they want to study and contribute to that they may not actually use later on in life, i think it stands as a lesson to anyone in the world that, indeed, we must dive deep into one problem, gain knowledge and experience in that sector, and eventually be able to learn and grow other aspects of our lives based on the wisdom achieved. sure, learning microbiology and the way ecosystems work may not be entirely applicable to finances, but i'm sure that the base wisdom of how life works at a small scale can be applied to different things. isn't an investment simply just growth on the scale of assets and capital, rather than bacterial growth? both need a small starting point, an environment to development, and from there, money (or microorganisms) begin to multiply. anyone can find the wisdom in anything so long as they think about it and consciously apply their knowledge.
in frankness, i think it can be beautiful how something like one's career or interests can change. there is beauty in the impermanence and constant change of life, even if the unchanging void that seems to stand as its final "order in the chaos" is an unceasingly contradictory and terrifying end. what will i do after this happens? after i graduate? after i become an "fine art graduate"? no one really knows, not even myself, even if i do have a "goal" i'd like to achieve within this lifespan.
however, i have been noticing something as of recent when it comes to these goals and desires, and also of the wisdom of constant change.
it seems to be resisted, constantly, and forever, by so many people.
though i'm not entirely sure if this kind of behavior is common in other spaces (perhaps creative writing spaces or creative spaces in general), there seems to be a common line of creating a specific, undying "identity" that one's creative work and career must follow. you are not just an artist or writer, you are a painter who explores abstract suprematism, or a writer who explores dark fantasy in the context of feminism. these kinds of "artist statements", seem to me, more and more and day by day, to be "eternal life statements". some concrete idea that gives a sense of structure and predictability to every person that views one's creative work. from someone's statement about themselves, if it's self-aware enough, i can guess someone's past work, present work, and future work, especially if i expect them to present this kind of work in the future at some gallery, residency, or publishing firm. if i can't predict what this person will do next, or if they have the chops to actually follow through on this kind of work, then i have little reason and expectation to believe they can actually manifest the things they're saying they want to make happen—i don't know if they can actually make a product or idea that can even "exist" the way they or i, the person or entity viewing this creative individual, want.
however, i think this behavior stems from an idea of control, and a lack of will to experiment with the unknown. our contemporary society has created a beautiful landscape where, with the right resources, anyone could become an artist who experiments with technology, or this specific artistic movement, or make their own. anyone could write a book if they want, get it published at least a little, and then they're an author. replace the language with whichever profession you'd want, and you'd get the same system.
there is an eternal contradiction within this, though. the idea of controlling the future, and making a creative work that isn't entirely based on technical form. (sorry software engineers, you do use creativity, but this doesn't exactly apply here. perhaps chefs too, but not too too much).
art is inherently unpredictable, requires experimentation, and requires a blank canvas on which its structure will be built. this structure too, can also be a blank canvas itself. isn't a canvas a structure of wood and canvas fabric? who said the canvas had to be 2 dimensional?
but grander society, the one built on capitalism, requires predictable products, predictable procedures, and a predictable future. i need to know that this artwork will be done by this date, or that when you say its done, that i can start to display it, and you won't change it. (perhaps this idea breaks down a touch when it comes to live service games, but even so it applies. even something like maplestory still has very similar base systems of movement and progression, but they've changed a lot. side tangent for later).
we can't have an artwork that is constantly moving or changing, and then also expect that it'll be the same. perhaps we could expect that it'll be different, or that this new location will bring it more context, more viewers, more capital, but we can't expect that it'll be the same. nor can we even expect that it'll be there, in frankness. any one of damage, death, censorship, or taxes could bar some artwork from being displayed or printed. then what?
do both art and society have irreconcilable differences that make it hard for both to co-exist? obviously not, art has existed for centuries, and so has our capitalistic society.
am i saying that art or society need to change significantly? maybe a bit, and i'm sure that my reservations on both are wildly apparent from my conversations with them. but i don't think they need those kinds of changes at the moment (maybe. i do hate capitalism, but it has been the basis of our society for very long, and that does mean we need to play within its system a little bit(.
really, what i think would be helpful is a dissolution of the ideas that art needs society to exist, and vice versa. the two need not rely on each other as heavily as they have in the past.
in previous times, artists would be commissioned to make murals, buildings, and public, urban art for the people to view. being an artist wasn't just for the individual who catered to patrons, it was also a public service to the people who would experience the art. during those times, society needed art for their spiritual pursuits, and artists needed to society to provide for them. this kind of practice still comes into today, where people do still make urban art and murals that contribute to a greater landscape of art in the public. even contemporary graffiti and street art could be seen as part of this movement, though it might stand against the law and may not be entirely "beautiful" to all of the people in the public.
however, with access to cheap art resources, and a society ever interconnected with the internet and corporations, art seems a little dead. useless, hardly, because graphic design and advertising still prove to bring customers in through their psychological influence. but advertising is (in my opinion) more accurately portrayed as images with a monetary purpose, and graphic design can be thought of as closer to communicating with visual means. perhaps, in a small sector of it, identity making and branding for companies. advertising and graphic design also do still pull from art and its movements to inform its visual practices. where do you think the minimalist corporate graphic design came from? one could say "artists did it first".
do i think "art is dying"? yeah, actually, a little bit. but not in the way that might be viewed of as an "art movement" or "societal movement". i think art is dying in the same way that the human race is constantly evolving to be more intelligent and advanced, progressing towards a smarter, well-informed, and inclusive community of people. there is a difference in this "community of people" i state as opposed to "society", for society has its structure based on cultural norms, regional laws, and customs, and not just existing together as humans. in this existence and with the global community of humanity, art is dying in its societal role. the death of art isn't necessarily in that people will use generative ai to make pictures, use their phones for cameras and record their entire lives, or scroll endlessly on tiktok, the death of art comes in the everyday appreciation of all of these things as a kind of "art". (please stay with me, i highly disagree with gen-ai art in general, but bear with me for a second)
this kind of "death of art" thing does seem kind of concerning, and also seems to be inherently false if thought of for just two seconds. galleries and art auctions are still thriving, and people do want to buy from artists their images and sculptures. galleries and these kinds of creative spaces will likely never die so long as our capitalist society exists. however, while i don't think art is "dying" in the sense that it is not found to be "common" in society, i think many of the contemporary ideas surrounding it are starting to dissolve, as they should have long ago.
the things i mentioned before, generative ai "art', people's recorded lives in their phones, and social media, are actually a kind of creative expression, and i think that should be appreciated. obviously, as mentioned in my parenthesis, i really disagree with gen-ai art and i think it almost never should have existed in the form that it does now (which, sadly, is impossible, because with how these generative systems are created, the only way gen-ai art can exist is entirely tied to our capitalist landscape), but what i think can be appreciated from its birth is illumination that all art is fundamentally an aesthetic object with an idea. i think we can appreciate that gen-ai allows people to explore what is possible with visual imagery or sound with their own ideas, but (and i understand i'm setting a hard line here that may reduce the scope of what is appreciated as art) should never be seen as the final product.
with that quick tangent out of the way, i still do believe that most human activities that are done with the intention of creating aesthetic objects (photos, social media posts, music, etc.) should be seen as art, and that we should also see ourselves, all humans, each one of us, always, as capable and willing artists. like all human lives, occupations, minds, etc. each one of our practices will look different, and perhaps will change or never get past a significant barrier due to our own desires or challenges, but i don't think that's a bad thing. perhaps an artist at the end of their life won't be able to get as many paintings in as they'd like, or reach the level of skill that they desire, but i think for the grander community of people in our world, that there are essentially no limits to what one wishes to make and achieve in their artistic lifespan. the physical and skill barriers of the world permitting, anyone can become an illustrator, or writer, or fine art gallery artist if they so wish, as long as they have the desire to create, and perhaps constantly learn and improve their practice.
i think it's kind of strange we don't see these artifacts we're constantly looking at and making as art. we just see them as things we've made, done, or experienced. and sure, when i look at most people's instagram feeds, phone camera reel, or sketchbooks, i will say that i don't like them, and that i think they're ugly, or made with very little thought and appreciation.
but, with our current access to such tools being so commonplace, and our ideas of art being something that you had to have put immense effort, thought, and meaning into to become "art", isn't that expected? if we can't see that we are always making art and experiencing it, won't we just think of the photos we make, the things we write on social media, and the stories we tell to others as nothing but, well, "nothing"?
the easy solution to all of this, obviously, is that humans are ignorant. and yeah, sure, that's fucking true. but you can't expect a beginner, or a child, to make a masterpiece when they can't even move their body the way they want, or think of abstract concepts their brain is physically incapable of comprehending due to their developing brain. we, as a society, are conditioned to just view the world through a non-magical lens, the "real world", and not the "spiritual magical world" of fantasy, and art.
but this conscious experience, the one you and i are seeing and breathing right now, is this "spiritual magical world" if you so choose to view it. this world of artistic magic is inherently connected to and exists because of the material world. is it not true that within each holy book, or each fictional landscape that has a spirit world, that there is a place where the two connect, either at death, or the spiritual place, or the books themselves? why can't this land of magic also exist within in each moment, within the material world you experience, within your eyes, and within you?
i'm sure it's no secret i've gained a much larger appreciation for art and its magic mysticality, but even less than me using this magical, "spiritual" language, there is just a baseline, easy reason to actually look at the world this way.
the employed "job" of seeing everything as art is one that pays in meaning and fulfillment. and at the end of your life, wouldn't you want to say that you want to feel like you meant something, that you have fulfilled your purpose and life as much as you could have?
i can't deny that this very magical and spiritual way of viewing the world doesn't solve a lot of real, material problems, or even the spiritual problems i've proposed. people will still find ways to say that the pictures they've taken aren't art because of their need to see art as something in a gallery space, or on a steam page, or as something that looks "good enough" to be art, etc.. people will still suffer, and be hungry, and won't have enough money to fund their lives, and they'll die too. they won't have the privilege of living this life.
however, if you do have the privilege, the ability, the money, the comfort of a home and perhaps a few rungs of maslow's hiearchy of needs fulfilled, i say that it's not impossible to try and live this way, even if its deceivingly difficult. and even for the people who do experience physical hardships and poverty, my hope is that it can be useful. it's been a bit helpful for my depression and my own "mental/ spiritual poverty", which i think a lot of people experience nowadays.
again, this doesn't fix the facts of society. seeing the whole world as an eternal art piece that is constantly changing in its beauty, is always imperfect, and does not have its own sense of "self" or identity (yeah i'm a little buddhist), and gives us a connection to a spiritual world does not give us any of the actual foundational knowledge that allows us to live this life with wisdom and wonder.
i'm reminded of the time my friend told me of his 13-year-old cousin being given a book of affirmations even though this cousin is "a little shitter", and my own reservations and simultaneous hope that it could help him. but this is like hoping that the child will learn how to abstain from eating candy by putting it in their room. very unfortunately, they likely won't, unless they know or have a goal associated with this act.
it is my hope that if you are able to comprehend this and read it, and are also someone who struggles with this kind of thought process, that it has given you enough of a boost to pursue a small kind of artistic practice, or even just something akin to mindful awareness and gratuitous appreciation of the world. my previous blog posts have shown how difficult i've found it to really be on this "path" proper, and how to live in a way that has a sense of wisdom and wonder. it is also my belief, associated with this action of making this post and knowledge that not everyone will make the most of it, that at least some part of our "story of living" as humans requires a bit of the top of maslow's hiearchy of "self-actualization". this state of "nirvana" that i hope to constantly achieve is there because of this mindset shift and change in paradigm in viewing how capable we are in this world to pursue a magical experience of beautiful imagery, art, and the tapestry of human life and the human experience.
for you who is viewing this, no, i won't be able to tell you exactly how to live your life or what actions you'd need to take to truly live it in the sense of this philosophy. even i don't know the exact metrics, exact way, exact philosophical or spiritual path that moves from before this point, to this point, beyond this point, or even at the exact point that i'm experiencing this right now.
but, once again, if you are human, intelligent, able to understand this and what i'm saying, then i have no reason to believe i need to tell you these things. that kind of knowledge will come to you, and to me, always, should we pursue a life that is in alignment with our greatest goals.
i can't even tell you what my greatest goal is because that'd defeat the purpose. it's connected to this sequence of words i'm writing, this manifesto, this mantra, but that doesn't mean it is my purpose.
the only purpose i really have when writing is twofold. for myself, a statement that i will pursue that greatest goal, and for you, an illumination into my perspective, and a hope you too will be able to find this point in the path that i'm at and appreciate its existence, for it means that i am truly becoming what i desire.
in my last blog post, i mentioned that i'd hope to wander as a nameless soul.
perhaps i get closer to that, but i'd hope that i can change it a bit.
for now, i think i'll need to be a student before i can wander freely.
but i know that the eternal wandering i seek comes closer. not death, but a passage into a world where i can roam freely.
a world where all of us can wander eternally. not lost, but exploring.
eternally exploring a world full of wisdom, and wonder.